I’ve heard that if you can’t say anything nice don’t say anything at all. I hate to leave you with a blank page so I will tell you that the past 5 years have not been nice. I was diagnosed with a rare, deadly form of cancer and given a 20-30 percent chance of survival.
I underwent the most radical treatment possible with radiation, and 2 courses of chemo. I survived the treatment and my chances increased to 30-40 percent.
The side effects and the aftermath have been horrific to say the least. Thirteen months on a feeding tube, relearning to speak and swallow, of course this was after surgeries to open my mouth and esophagus.
I hear constantly “Do you know how fortunate you are to be alive?” The answer is YES! I thank God every morning for that new day. I frequently ask Him why? What was the purpose, what was the lesson, what shall I do with this? Surely there is a lesson here. I have learned to appreciate every new day, take joy in the small things, I have more compassion, laugh easily at myself, take nothing for granted, I have taken up new interests and learned that it is ok to do nothing sometimes. I don’t need to feel guilty for wasting time or taking naps.
What is the real lesson here? I have no idea. I guess God will reveal it to me in his own time. In the mean time I intend to make the best of it.
I now spend my time writing poetry and learning to use my camera. something that I wrote:
Heart beating like a train
pounding down the rails
Gale force breaths shredding lungs
My intestines have betrayed me
lying in my filth
Why can’t you leave me with
a gentler death
Spare me some small sense of dignity
when it’s time to go
Cancer, you are a fearsome foe
Poem copyright protected, and the property of Victoria Feathers, and not to be used without permission.