Writing 101- day 4- Pt 1 of 3 – Loss

Today’s lesson is loss. Any loss, foot race is the example used. I could think of many losses; first teeth, competitions, boyfriends, the big fish that got away. A loss usually leaves one with sadness, unfulfilled, maybe a feeling of inadequacy. Loss can destroy you if you allow it to, or it can remold you and shape you into a better you, stronger, hopeful, grateful.

I am not a whiner and not big on pity parties. I can take it as it comes. I adapt. But damn, sometimes it just pours down on you and you find yourself swimming against the currents. Fighting to keep your head above water and praying like you have never prayed before. You find yourself alone and this task is just too big, you cannot do it alone. For once in your life you need to ask for help.

You swallow your pride and call on friends, family, angels, God. You reach down into the bottom of your guts and pull up every ounce of hope and courage you can find. Oh sure it’s hard, feels like begging. You need every prayer you can get. Life has just become precious. No longer is it just a day to day routine to be taken for granted. It is now a fight to the finish and you really want to win.

In one short year, three hundred and sixty five days, I lost everything I had worked my life for.  Fifty six years of working, struggling, saving, and building a home, a business, and a marriage. In just three small words it was all gone. “You have cancer” the words are out there, and everything else just falls away. Not because you let it go. You hang on tight, sink your nails in and pull as hard as you can to keep it from being snatched from your hands.

Those three words are a noose around your neck and you’re standing on a stool. You will stand here, stay awake, don’t move, just pray. Suddenly someone comes along and kicks the stool out from under you. Now you fight! And you pray like never before. You’re alone, swinging by that rope, kicking, choking, and clawing. You begin praying for an angel.

You have a twenty to thirty percent chance of survival. It won’t be easy. Radical treatment. Rare cancer. Treatment will probably kill you. Little is known about this disease. Four treatment options are offered. You chose the easiest, do nothing. They snatch this option away. Now you have three. They are basically all the same, just different combinations consisting of surgery, radiation, and chemo.

Let the fun begin.


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